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[story] ATCv2#7

 
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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 1) Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:39 pm
Post subject: [story] ATCv2#7
Archived from groups: alt>games>creatures (more info?)

Here you go. Hopefully not too many mistakes in there, I just finished
writing the last bit...

*****

Laiva was woken by a strange sound; a cross between an eagles' cry and
a wolf's howl, yet completely different. She opened her eyes and found
herself staring into a bottomless pit - and the pit was staring back
at her. A hot wind blew against her face, waxing and waning like the
breath of the world. It was drawing her in, calling for her...
With an effort of will Laiva drew her gaze away. The spell
broke. In front of her was a curious looking creature, the head
flanked by huge round ears, a trunk like snout and a pair of large
black pupil less eyes, black like a bottomless pit, drawing her in,
calling...
She blinked. The animal tilted its head and eyed her
irritatedly for a moment, then suddenly dashed off to the left and out
of her sight. For a moment she wondered where the animal had come
from, but then she realized that something was amiss. She was not in
her bed. She always woke up in her bed. In her safe, warm, cozy bed,
or at least a bed and not... here, wherever that was. She had a faint
recollection of wolves... Then her brain finally caught up and
everything fell into place. Of course, the werewolves! She had been on
the road to the city and then the werewolves had attacked her!
Laiva rose to her feet and stretched. She felt somewhat
chilly, but that was hardly a surprise; even in a warm summer's night
the ground was no place for sleeping. Above, through the crowns of the
trees she could glimpse patches of graying sky; it was already dawn,
although it would still be several hours before daybreak. Laiva
inhaled deeply; she loved the taste of the slightly moist morning air.
It tasted of life.
She let her eyes wander. The fire looked as if it had gone out
hours ago; even the last glowing amber had turned into ashes. A few
metres behind it was the corpse of the werewolf she had shot first,
the arrow still sticking out from it and some more metres beyond the
corpses of the other two... three? Why were there three?
Laiva let herself sink onto her knees and groped for her bow
and arrows, keeping her gaze fixed at the wolves. She was close to
panicking when she didn't find them at once, but a moment later her
fingers touched the smooth wood and she relaxed a little, especially
when she found the remaining silver arrow next to it.
The bow loaded she ventured forth, nerves as tensed as the
string. When she reached the lead wolf she prodded it with her foot,
although it was clear that one was dead, arrow sticking out of it or
not. For a moment she considered pulling the arrow out right away, but
as tempting as having a spare arrow was, she would have to let her bow
down in order to get it and there was no way she was going to that.
She continued, slowly closing in on the other werewolves. She
could make out where the arrows had hit two of them; one was still
sticking in the wound in one piece, the other one seemed to have
broken by the creature's death struggle, but the wound was clearly
visible. These were both clearly dead, their dead eyes staring into
the void. She had always felt a twinge of guilt when she looked at the
eyes of her prey, especially the sad accusing look of a deer, but the
werewolves stirred nothing in her.
The third wolf was lying with its back turned towards her and
all she could tell was that its back seemed unhurt. She couldn't make
out any movement, not even the heaving of its chest, but with
werewolves that might as well mean it was holding its breath in order
to fool her. Laiva started to circle the animal, keeping her aim fixed
upon the animal's heart. Gradually the front of the animal came into
view. She let the arrow go.
It hit the wolf with an audible thud and got stuck deep in the
body. Laiva hadn't meant to, but keeping the string tensed was tiring
and in her surprise her hand had slipped; and she was still having a
hard time trusting her eyes. Something had torn the wolf's throat
open; not even a werewolf could possibly survive that. That, of
course, inevitably led to one question: What had done that?
Laiva knelt down and closely inspected the corpse, but she
couldn't see anything but lots and lots of encrusted blood, so she
quickly gave up and started searching the ground instead. There were
plenty of wolf tracks and none but wolf tracks; at least no fresh
ones. So much for the what, but why would a werewolf kill one it its
own kind?

Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
lay upon it.
The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet
of the house when someone started banging against the door. Whatever
it was, it would have to wait until he was ready. Slowly he started to
dress, doing his best to ignore the noise.
'Open up!' a voice bellowed. It might have been female, but
muffled by the thick wooden door it was hard to tell. The smith
sighed. A minute later he was fully dressed and at the door.
He shouted a quick 'I'm coming.' to stop the continued
knocking and started to remove the heavy bars. The smith opened the
door and was about to vent his anger, but stopped before the first
syllable managed to leave his lips.
Standing before him with an expression of wild determination
was the innkeeper's wife; her hair an unorderly mess, still in a
nightgown, barefoot and holding a sword in her left hand.
'The blade needs sharpening.'
Saying this she trust the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and
marched off.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 2) Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:16 am
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

Erm... looks like the last paragraph is going to change after all. Just
language wise, no change in content, mind you.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.

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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 3) Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 1:16 pm
Post subject: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

As I said, the last paragraph (actually the last few paragraphes...) of
the installment wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, so here's a revised
version (of that paagraph, see top post for the rest).

*****

Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
lay upon it.
The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet
before starting his daily routine when a loud banging emerged from the
door. His forehead wrinkled and anger welled up in him. All day long he
was in the smithy, patiently enduring the rantings of the villagers who
always needed things done by yesterday, but there was nothing,
absolutely nothing that could have broken during the night and needed
mending right away. He wouldn't have that; whoever was at the door would
have to wait until he was ready.
Slowly he started to dress, trying his best to ignore the
continued noise. The banging, however, grew stronger and was
complemented with the odd shouts of 'Open up!'. The voice sounded
female, although it was hard to tell, muffled as it was by the heavy
door. The smith sighed. Since the morning was ruined anyway, he could as
well see who was causing the turmoil.
He grunted a short 'I'm coming.' to stop whoever it was from
demolishing his door and started to slide the heavy bars to the side.
Just as he was about to open the door the banging started up again. He
opened it with a jerk and was about to give the disturbed some of his
mind when he was rendered speechless by the sight the door had opened
upon.
His mouth open he stared at the figure with a mixture of awe and
utter disbelieve. Standing before him, barefoot, in nothing by a night
gown and holding a long ornate sword in her left was the innkeeper's
wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
of the boldest of men.
The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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Thomas J. Boschloo

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Since: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 1641



(Msg. 4) Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:50 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

emmel wrote:
[snip]
> black pupil less eyes, black like a bottomless pit, drawing her in,
> calling...

pupilless or pupil-less would be easier to read imo. I read it like
large black pupil, less eyes. It just feels weird Smile

> Laiva let herself sink onto her knees and groped for her bow
> and arrows, keeping her gaze fixed at the wolves. She was close to

wolf _corpses_ would be less confusing for me Smile

> The bow loaded she ventured forth, nerves as tensed as the

_With_ the bow loaded?
nerves as _tense_ as?

> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
> bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
> lay upon it.
> The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet
> of the house when someone started banging against the door. Whatever
> it was, it would have to wait until he was ready. Slowly he started to
> dress, doing his best to ignore the noise.
> 'Open up!' a voice bellowed. It might have been female, but
> muffled by the thick wooden door it was hard to tell. The smith
> sighed. A minute later he was fully dressed and at the door.
> He shouted a quick 'I'm coming.' to stop the continued
> knocking and started to remove the heavy bars. The smith opened the
> door and was about to vent his anger, but stopped before the first
> syllable managed to leave his lips.
> Standing before him with an expression of wild determination
> was the innkeeper's wife; her hair an unorderly mess, still in a
> nightgown, barefoot and holding a sword in her left hand.
> 'The blade needs sharpening.'
> Saying this she trust the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and
> marched off.

I didn't read this last part as instructed Smile

Thomas
--
A society with suicide bombers
is a polite society
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Thomas J. Boschloo

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Since: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 1641



(Msg. 5) Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:02 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
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emmel wrote:
[snip]
> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be

Definitely waking! Without the _a_. Unless it is a village of
necromancers or something Wink

> bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
> lay upon it.
> The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet

definitely had _gotten_ up!

> Slowly he started to dress, trying his best to ignore the
> continued noise. The banging, however, grew stronger and was
> complemented with the odd shouts of 'Open up!'. The voice sounded
> female, although it was hard to tell, muffled as it was by the heavy
> door. The smith sighed. Since the morning was ruined anyway, he could as
> well see who was causing the turmoil.
> He grunted a short 'I'm coming.' to stop whoever it was from

I wouldn't use the period after I'm coming Smile

> demolishing his door and started to slide the heavy bars to the side.
> Just as he was about to open the door the banging started up again. He
> opened it with a jerk and was about to give the disturbed some of his

disturber.

> mind when he was rendered speechless by the sight the door had opened
> upon.
> His mouth open he stared at the figure with a mixture of awe and
> utter disbelieve. Standing before him, barefoot, in nothing by a night
> gown and holding a long ornate sword in her left was the innkeeper's

left _hand_? left eye?

> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
> of the boldest of men.
> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.

I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
Sounds like 'looking after', only different.

Thomas
--
A society with suicide bombers
is a polite society
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Red Dragon

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Since: Jul 31, 2006
Posts: 25



(Msg. 6) Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:02 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
[snip]
>
>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>> of the boldest of men.
>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>
> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>
> Thomas

I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared after'
is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as this.
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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 7) Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:11 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 [Login to view extended thread Info.]
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On 2008-01-22, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam.RemoveThis@hccnet.nl> wrote:
> emmel wrote:
> [snip]
>> black pupil less eyes, black like a bottomless pit, drawing her in,
>> calling...
>
> pupilless or pupil-less would be easier to read imo. I read it like
> large black pupil, less eyes. It just feels weird Smile

::nods::
Noted.

> > Laiva let herself sink onto her knees and groped for her bow
> > and arrows, keeping her gaze fixed at the wolves. She was close to
>
> wolf _corpses_ would be less confusing for me Smile

Sounds reasonable.

>> The bow loaded she ventured forth, nerves as tensed as the
>
> _With_ the bow loaded?

Well, that would work too, although I think it's not quite necessary,
don't you think?

> nerves as _tense_ as?

Erm, yes, definitely.

>> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
>> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
>> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
>> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
>> bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
>> lay upon it.
>> The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet
>> of the house when someone started banging against the door. Whatever
>> it was, it would have to wait until he was ready. Slowly he started to
>> dress, doing his best to ignore the noise.
>> 'Open up!' a voice bellowed. It might have been female, but
>> muffled by the thick wooden door it was hard to tell. The smith
>> sighed. A minute later he was fully dressed and at the door.
>> He shouted a quick 'I'm coming.' to stop the continued
>> knocking and started to remove the heavy bars. The smith opened the
>> door and was about to vent his anger, but stopped before the first
>> syllable managed to leave his lips.
>> Standing before him with an expression of wild determination
>> was the innkeeper's wife; her hair an unorderly mess, still in a
>> nightgown, barefoot and holding a sword in her left hand.
>> 'The blade needs sharpening.'
>> Saying this she trust the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and
>> marched off.
>
> I didn't read this last part as instructed Smile

Good boy.
::pats Thomas::
::sees Thomas expression::
Oh, sorry, spent to much time with Mynor...
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 8) Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:21 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
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On 2008-01-22, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam.TakeThisOut@hccnet.nl> wrote:
> emmel wrote:
> [snip]
>> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
>> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
>> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
>> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
>
> Definitely waking! Without the _a_. Unless it is a village of
> necromancers or something Wink

Well, not *this* one. I think Laiva would have noticed... unless she was
one of them?!
I wasn't quite aware of the sematic difference. In fact my dictionary
says awaken should qork quite fine, although 'rouse from a state
resembling sleep, as from death' seems exclusive to 'awaken'... odd.

>> bustling with life, but for now the peace of early morning was still
>> lay upon it.
>> The village smith had just got up and was enjoying the quiet
>
> definitely had _gotten_ up!

Yes, of course.

>> Slowly he started to dress, trying his best to ignore the
>> continued noise. The banging, however, grew stronger and was
>> complemented with the odd shouts of 'Open up!'. The voice sounded
>> female, although it was hard to tell, muffled as it was by the heavy
>> door. The smith sighed. Since the morning was ruined anyway, he could as
>> well see who was causing the turmoil.
>> He grunted a short 'I'm coming.' to stop whoever it was from
>
> I wouldn't use the period after I'm coming Smile

Well, it *is* a complete sentence. I think it would be syntactically
wrong to leave it out.

>> demolishing his door and started to slide the heavy bars to the side.
>> Just as he was about to open the door the banging started up again. He
>> opened it with a jerk and was about to give the disturbed some of his
>
> disturber.

Oh, you are right.

>> mind when he was rendered speechless by the sight the door had opened
>> upon.
>> His mouth open he stared at the figure with a mixture of awe and
>> utter disbelieve. Standing before him, barefoot, in nothing by a night
>> gown and holding a long ornate sword in her left was the innkeeper's
>
> left _hand_? left eye?

Well, I /thought/ it was obvious that she wasn't holding it with her
eyes, but I seem to be mistaken. 'left hand' it is then.

>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>> of the boldest of men.
>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>
> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.

I see your problem... but it does seem that it is indeed used correctly,
if a quick google counts as any form of authority. I would gladly
replace it if came up with some viable alternative, though.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 9) Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:22 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
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On 2008-01-22, Red Dragon <agclurker.DeleteThis@lurkerson.net> wrote:
> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
> [snip]
>>
>>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>>> of the boldest of men.
>>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
>>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>>
>> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
>> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>>
>> Thomas
>
> I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared after'
> is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as this.

Thanks.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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Thomas J. Boschloo

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Since: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 1641



(Msg. 10) Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:32 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
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emmel wrote:
> On 2008-01-22, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam DeleteThis @hccnet.nl> wrote:
>> emmel wrote:
>> [snip]
>>> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
>>> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
>>> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
>>> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
>> Definitely waking! Without the _a_. Unless it is a village of
>> necromancers or something Wink
>
> Well, not *this* one. I think Laiva would have noticed... unless she was
> one of them?!
> I wasn't quite aware of the sematic difference. In fact my dictionary
> says awaken should qork quite fine, although 'rouse from a state
> resembling sleep, as from death' seems exclusive to 'awaken'... odd.

How about 'was waking up'.

Thomas
--
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Thomas J. Boschloo

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(Msg. 11) Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:36 pm
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Red Dragon wrote:
> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
> [snip]
>>
>>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>>> of the boldest of men.
>>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
>>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>>
>> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
>> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>>
>> Thomas
>
> I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared after'
> is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as this.

In the land of the blind, the one eyed is queen!

Thomas
--
A society with suicide bombers
is a polite society
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Red Dragon

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Since: Jul 31, 2006
Posts: 25



(Msg. 12) Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:32 am
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
> Red Dragon wrote:
>> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
>> [snip]
>>>
>>>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>>>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>>>> of the boldest of men.
>>>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>>>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>>>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without
>>>> waiting
>>>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>>>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>>>
>>> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
>>> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>>>
>>> Thomas
>>
>> I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared
>> after' is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as
>> this.
>
> In the land of the blind, the one eyed is queen!
>
> Thomas

Darn straight. The one-eyed can tell the blind about all the horrible
things the blind can't see, and thus need the protection of the only one
that can see. Excellent racket.
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emmel

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Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 13) Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:51 am
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

On 2008-01-23, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam.DeleteThis@hccnet.nl> wrote:
> emmel wrote:
>> On 2008-01-22, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam.DeleteThis@hccnet.nl> wrote:
>>> emmel wrote:
>>> [snip]
>>>> Some distance away the overly enthusiastic cockerel of the smith was
>>>> giving its usual, and as usual somewhat premature, morning cry. A
>>>> moment later the other cocks joined in, not wanting to be outdone, and
>>>> thus the village of Pala was awaking. In half an hour it would be
>>> Definitely waking! Without the _a_. Unless it is a village of
>>> necromancers or something Wink
>>
>> Well, not *this* one. I think Laiva would have noticed... unless she was
>> one of them?!
>> I wasn't quite aware of the sematic difference. In fact my dictionary
>> says awaken should qork quite fine, although 'rouse from a state
>> resembling sleep, as from death' seems exclusive to 'awaken'... odd.
>
> How about 'was waking up'.

Sounds somehow boring. BTW, shouldn't that be 'awakening' in any case?
No, probably not. Don't know what I was just thinking.
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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emmel

External


Since: Apr 13, 2004
Posts: 993



(Msg. 14) Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:51 am
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

On 2008-01-23, Thomas J. Boschloo <nospam.DeleteThis@hccnet.nl> wrote:
> Red Dragon wrote:
>> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
>> [snip]
>>>
>>>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to the
>>>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>>>> of the boldest of men.
>>>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>>>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>>>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without waiting
>>>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith stared
>>>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>>>
>>> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
>>> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>>>
>>> Thomas
>>
>> I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared after'
>> is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as this.
>
> In the land of the blind, the one eyed is queen!

Regardless of gender. After all who is to see?
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)

Official AGC feedback maniac

"God is playing creatures - and we're the norns."

"A hundred dead are a tragedy - a hundred thousand are statistics."

"I guess you can call yourself lucky." -
"I could, but Linda suits me a little better... Smile
Things called lucky tend to get hit by trucks."

Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).

Hi, I'm a .sig virus. Just copy me to your .signature. And don't worry.
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Thomas J. Boschloo

External


Since: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 1641



(Msg. 15) Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:44 pm
Post subject: Re: [story] ATCv2#7 (Rev.) [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)

Red Dragon wrote:
> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
>> Red Dragon wrote:
>>> Thomas J. Boschloo wrote:
>>> [snip]
>>>>
>>>>> wife, the mane of her uncombed hair adding a quality of wildness to
>>>>> the
>>>>> determination on her face, that would have inspired fear in the hearts
>>>>> of the boldest of men.
>>>>> The smith involuntarily stepped back, but she took a step
>>>>> forwards, pushed the sword into the perplexed smith's hand and in a
>>>>> matter-of-fact tone added 'That blade needs sharpening.' Without
>>>>> waiting
>>>>> for an answer she turned and marched off. For a moment the smith
>>>>> stared
>>>>> after her, almost expecting her to vanish into thin air.
>>>>
>>>> I am not sure if staring 'after' someone is allowed in English Smile
>>>> Sounds like 'looking after', only different.
>>>>
>>>> Thomas
>>>
>>> I'm not 100% sure what an English teacher would say, but 'stared
>>> after' is a fairly natural phrase and commonly used in a way such as
>>> this.
>>
>> In the land of the blind, the one eyed is queen!
>>
>> Thomas
>
> Darn straight. The one-eyed can tell the blind about all the horrible
> things the blind can't see, and thus need the protection of the only one
> that can see. Excellent racket.

I always wanted to be protected by a dragon. But how can we be sure you
are red?

Thomas
--
A society with suicide bombers
is a polite society
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