Letters from Mom

One of the things that has amused my about AC, since the very start of
the GC days, was just how bizarre my "parents" seem to be. My "mother",
in particular, at best sounded like a ditz, but other times seemed in
need of actual hospitalization...I kept all my letters in GC, but never
got around to posting them anywhere. I mean, it's not like I was
hurting for space at the post office...

Anyway, I've also saved all Mom's letters in ACWW, but I can't keep on
doing so, since I'm finally about to run out of space in my storage
bins. So I suppose I will post them here for now, while I look for a
more permanent place to archive them for the edification of future
generations of humanity.

With further ado, I present:

"Letters from Mom"

Chapter 1:

Dear Thom,
I thought I saw you
coming toward me through
the fog. Then I realized
was just a rock.
No offense, sweetie. [heart] Mom
---------------------------------------------

Dear Thom,
I found your shirt while I
was getting some winter
stuff out. I tried it on,
but couldn't breathe.
Hac hack! [heart] Mom
--------------------------------------------

Dear Thom,

Doesn't this teddy bear
look like someone we
know?

Who could it be? Mom

[Editor's Note: I believe this note had a Baby Bear enclosed as a
present.]
--------------------------------------------

Dear Thom,

Agnes has been stealing
my fruit for her pie
business. The nerve! I like
pie, too!
Not even one slice! Mom
-------------------------------------------

Dear Thom,

Are you coming home for
the holidays? Don't worry,
we found the hamster and
gave it a proper burial.
Your dad cried. [heart] Mom
-------------------------------------------
To be continued...

As the last five letters might suggest, "Mom" is a rather capricious
individual. By "I like pie" is she merely stating a fact, mocking the
now-trite internet catchphrase, or suggesting something deeper about
her psychopathology? Does "pie" cue her intentions the neighbor,
myself, or perfect the physical reification of piety? It's hard to say.

The "Home for the Holidays" letter also suggests how these letters are
presented, specifically, in more or less chronological order, starting
from Release Date 12/6/2005 to the most recent. The order is
approximate, unfortunately. With a handful of exception, I am certain
when there has been a present attached and what that present was.

The "Home for the Holidays" missive also suggests some of the typical
methods which Mom uses to emotionally attack the reader, i.e., me/you.
Let's analyze her four pronged psychic assault.

1. " Are you coming home for the holidays?" How could I/you possibly do
so? There is no train service, and Kapp'n doesn't really seem to know
the way home. Her goal is not to ask a question, but to rebuke you for
the answer which she already knows.

2. "Don't worry, we found the hamster and gave it a proper burial."
Another snide aside from the Mistress of Passive Aggression. "Don't
worry" is a sarcastic play to emphasize the fact that she believes that
I/you never really worried in the same place. "We found the hamster"
screams with implicit blame for my/your irresponsibility, as the
throwaway burial.

3. "Your dad cried." Here, she mocks your masculine identity in the
form of your father, once again hammer on my/your inadequacy.

4. "[heart] Mom ...Just to make sure she lets me/you know that we're
still tied to her by the apron strings of her alleged "affection".

Using this basic template, we can quickly dismiss the other three
letters in this opening selection. The "Bear" note is clearly another
attack against the patriarchy, with the telling "Baby Bear" present
used like a horse head in the bed to let me/you know where we stand in
her eyes. The "Fog Rock" note is obviously alluding to our supposed
distance and emotional detachment, with the concomitant threat that she
is losing us, in some misty way. Finally, the "Shirt" letter is just
another gratuitous slap--we are distant, she is forgetting us, even our
clothes make her sick.

Some things to think about as I begin our next Chapter.